Warkings - Reborn

Warkings Reborn cover
Napalm Records
Warkings are an international power metal band/project, made up of Viking on Bass (some Scandinavian guy?), Spartan on drums (maybe a Greek, as the band’s bandcamp lists Pieria in Northern Greece as their base of operations), Crusader on guitars (likely a Brit or Frenchman?) and Tribune on vocals, who’s been revealed to be Georg Neuhauser, the Austrian singer of bands like Serenity and another international project, by the name of Phantasma that if fate serves correctly we did review some time ago. By the above sentence you might have inferred that the band performs in their videos and presumably live too wearing costumes, much like some other lame cosplay metal bands like Gloryholehammer, with at least not as cheesy lyrics or melodies, but still unable to throw away the mantle of “generic” from the majority of their material.
The couple of first tunes, the energetic “Give ‘em War” and the somewhat darker until its chorus comes around “Never surrender” are not too bad, although the band can hardly make up their minds about being more serious about their music (trying to sound like something between Rhapsody and Blind Guardian) and occasional slip into Sabaton-esque with Civil War sort of lyrica… you know the decidedly second tier Manowar/warfare sort of lyricism that some bands seem to pull off well, while others don’t.
“Hephaistos” sounds somewhat stagnant in its hot pounding mid-tempo with lyrics that made me think of the not always spot on metal merchants Wizard.
“Gladiator” is a quick, double bass number that came out as a single, but somehow past its intro feels formulaic and its chorus comes from the cheesiest pages of the Hammerfall songbook, which isn’t meant to be taken as a compliment. Melodic – yes. Covered in goat’s cheese, definitely. Good, not really.
“Holy Storm” finds the band going through the motions, trying to sound interesting, but failing miserably on almost every-level. Generic as hell, to the point where it has to reference more famous bands on the roster of a larger company and trying desperately to rhyme its lines.
“Battle Cry” is another cheesy, wannabe cinematic, heroic power metal number that’s just spells mediocrity by the numbers. No effort to be original, just a safe, melodic song with a few typical sing-along “hoo-has” etc... let me get the apron and the cheese grater, chef… sorry – wrong review.
“Fire Falling Down”… fire, boring my tits out. Yes! Boring, formulaic & safe.
“Sparta” manages to change the tides of suckage in favor of the album. It does feature Thomas Gurrath, the singer of Debauchery, on harsh vocals (in the album), as well as Melissa Bony from Rage Of Light and a few other bands in the video edit of the song and presumably on the album version, as well only buried somewhere at the back to act as some sort of cheap eye candy for horny teenage coz-slaying metallers. The vocals of Neuhauser are a little thinner and more nasal, making him sound like a much better Papa/Cardinal from the Ghost. Well it is passable, barely, as an OK song, with an OK flurry of notes solo and more cheese than a pizza. Still a better love story than Twilight and how Sabaton might have sounded with a singer who can actually sing.
But they are unable to keep things from slipping into the kingdom of Cheezlandia, with “The Last Battle”, which despite a decent start, can’t keep from the woo-waaa “chants” and smaltzy Edguyesque melodies that feel just wrong when they come one after the other.
Last but not least, a ballad in German, because why not, it lends to the whole style not, but because the people that might buy into ze whole cozplay metal are easily impressionable Varriors from ze North. Damn, I feel I could do easily mix war, battle, blood and fire in all possible random combinations and make some cheezy goodness as well, behind a mask. I might actually give it some serious thought.
Pretty shitty, but not the shittiest I’ve ever heard, as the musicians are decently competent, but overall lacking sorely in terms of originality and feeling half-baked and halfhearted formulaic as hell and ultimately forgettable. This is not the metal you need, but the metal you deserve dear average gamer/cosplayer. Wimpy.