Steel Panther
Lower the Bar
Open E Entertainment
2017
Despite loving them Panthers of Steel and owning literally everything by them, as a true Fanther should, I can’t really pretend I totally love everything they do, just because “it’s them”. See being a Fanther is different than being your regular fanboy.
I did find their debut – to be an instaclassic (but then again it was sourced from their excellent Metal Skool/Shop EPs with the addition of a few original new tracks). Their sophomore, despite one of the coolest covers in the history of rock, it was a bit so-so. “All You Can Eat” was amazing once again, with the band firing on all 6 and cumming on all 9 asses in front of them while pondering all about “if six was nine”… and their live romps “The British Invasion” and “Live From Lexxi’s moms Garage”, were pretty neat, twisting the nut and sizzling the meat while blurring the lines between what one can and cannot do during a live performance…
So what about “Lower the Bar”. Is that a literal title or not? Let’s find out…
“Goin’ in the Backdoor” is a pretty typical DLR-era-Van Halenesque opener, praising anal sex... back door loving, call it what you will. Are these guys Greeks – by any chance!? Maybe in a past life!?
“Anything Goes” continues the same over the top approach and is a bit reminiscent of a couple of tunes from “All You Can Eat”; and I mean that as a bit of praise… since it’s quite enjoyable all in all.
“Poontang Boomerang” is reminiscent of bad Poison and is one of those storytelling pieces in the style of “Gangbang...” even taking a couple of cues from the song… so it feels a bit like a deja-vu.
“That’s When You Came In”, was previewed on “LFLMG”, is as good as it were live if not better and blows you… A-WAY!
“Wrong Side of the Tracks (Out in Beverly Hills)” is different and that’s good I guess on one hand, but being a bit plain I suppose it might take a couple of more spins to sink in.
“Now the Fun Starts” begins with a deep bass intro – almost too weird soundwise for the band, until Michael Starr begins to spew his usual inane lyrics, with extreme machismo and bravado, headstrong and cocksure as fuck… when all in all the track is not all that great…
“Pussy Ain’t Free” is based around a nasty meaty riff and it’s pondering that you end up paying for “pussy”, either directly or by being an accommodating, suave and smooth gentleman, who will wine and dine his lady friend.
“Wasted too Much Time” is a half ballad that starts off in a bizarre way – almost like a march or something with a guitar paean – that feels a bit like a Greek traditional dance too in its progression. It’s the fourth in a row track and not girl that doesn’t stick too much… whilst it doesn’t suck – it ain’t shit hot either.
“I Got What You Want” is more direct and it’s humor about what to expect downstairs… is evident.
While “Walk of Shame” is unfortunately another by the numbers – musical number in a more rock n roll template.
Last but not least, “She’s Tight” is another cover in the band’s career – this time by Cheap Trick – and including Robin Zander on a guest chorus vocals, but the sole fact that it easily eclipses all songs on the album is telling that the album comes up somewhat short, when compared with the band’s own previous sexcapades.
Whilst not terrible, it sounds as if the band should take a little time off before they do another album to really write a bunch of good songs… and maybe resurrect a few early numbers like “Big Boobs” and “Cleveland Rocks”, another cover from their pre-Panther days… that have never widely seen the light of date so far… to have a headstart.
Still’d love to watch them live for the 9th and the 69th time even, but they need to put some pretty big boobies behind that lowered bar. Some really “Big Boobs”… till the next stand then…
I did find their debut – to be an instaclassic (but then again it was sourced from their excellent Metal Skool/Shop EPs with the addition of a few original new tracks). Their sophomore, despite one of the coolest covers in the history of rock, it was a bit so-so. “All You Can Eat” was amazing once again, with the band firing on all 6 and cumming on all 9 asses in front of them while pondering all about “if six was nine”… and their live romps “The British Invasion” and “Live From Lexxi’s moms Garage”, were pretty neat, twisting the nut and sizzling the meat while blurring the lines between what one can and cannot do during a live performance…
So what about “Lower the Bar”. Is that a literal title or not? Let’s find out…
“Goin’ in the Backdoor” is a pretty typical DLR-era-Van Halenesque opener, praising anal sex... back door loving, call it what you will. Are these guys Greeks – by any chance!? Maybe in a past life!?
“Anything Goes” continues the same over the top approach and is a bit reminiscent of a couple of tunes from “All You Can Eat”; and I mean that as a bit of praise… since it’s quite enjoyable all in all.
“Poontang Boomerang” is reminiscent of bad Poison and is one of those storytelling pieces in the style of “Gangbang...” even taking a couple of cues from the song… so it feels a bit like a deja-vu.
“That’s When You Came In”, was previewed on “LFLMG”, is as good as it were live if not better and blows you… A-WAY!
“Wrong Side of the Tracks (Out in Beverly Hills)” is different and that’s good I guess on one hand, but being a bit plain I suppose it might take a couple of more spins to sink in.
“Now the Fun Starts” begins with a deep bass intro – almost too weird soundwise for the band, until Michael Starr begins to spew his usual inane lyrics, with extreme machismo and bravado, headstrong and cocksure as fuck… when all in all the track is not all that great…
“Pussy Ain’t Free” is based around a nasty meaty riff and it’s pondering that you end up paying for “pussy”, either directly or by being an accommodating, suave and smooth gentleman, who will wine and dine his lady friend.
“Wasted too Much Time” is a half ballad that starts off in a bizarre way – almost like a march or something with a guitar paean – that feels a bit like a Greek traditional dance too in its progression. It’s the fourth in a row track and not girl that doesn’t stick too much… whilst it doesn’t suck – it ain’t shit hot either.
“I Got What You Want” is more direct and it’s humor about what to expect downstairs… is evident.
While “Walk of Shame” is unfortunately another by the numbers – musical number in a more rock n roll template.
Last but not least, “She’s Tight” is another cover in the band’s career – this time by Cheap Trick – and including Robin Zander on a guest chorus vocals, but the sole fact that it easily eclipses all songs on the album is telling that the album comes up somewhat short, when compared with the band’s own previous sexcapades.
Whilst not terrible, it sounds as if the band should take a little time off before they do another album to really write a bunch of good songs… and maybe resurrect a few early numbers like “Big Boobs” and “Cleveland Rocks”, another cover from their pre-Panther days… that have never widely seen the light of date so far… to have a headstart.
Still’d love to watch them live for the 9th and the 69th time even, but they need to put some pretty big boobies behind that lowered bar. Some really “Big Boobs”… till the next stand then…