Opeth - Pale Communion

The whole metal (what?) and rock community are holding their breaths to see what the next music step of His Majesty (Mikael) will be like! Then again, there’s not much to wonder. Every new Opeth album is the BEST the world has seen till the next one and so on. There’s no bad or constructive criticism for Opeth… just empathy and envy from all the haters. They just can’t get the greatness of His Majesty and His Band! So easy! There’s not even a point writing a review as “Pale Communion” is simply the best album the world has witnessed since slice bread or something like that! Hence, cut the crap and worship His Musical Majesty!
 
Just a few queries (without implying anything, neither having the strength nor the knowledge to question anything at all):

• Where’s the metal in this album? (WTF??!)
• Is it progressive psychedelic rock actually? (Is it what?)
• Can the word “progressive” literally mean going back and rip-off the great prog rock bands of the 70s? (Com’ on!)
• Is this as inventive and original as all the experts’ reviews talk about? (You bet!)
• What’s after this? Playing 60s rock & roll and ripping off Elvis? (Ohh shit!)
• Where are the brutal vocals that His Majesty once promised they would never skip? (Opps! This has already happened before!)
• Do you prefer His Majesty growling or ”singing”? (R u deaf?!)
• Is His Majesty a better songwriter, guitarist or producer? (Is this for real?)
• Are other bands which play that kind of 70s psychedelic prog rock music copycats and this is so out-of-this-world? (You don’t get it huh?)
• Does His Majesty give a shit about the fans? (Hehehe!)
• Can in reality any metalhead enjoy this album and headbang while listening to it – as they used to do? (Damn if they do – damn if they don’t!)
• Is this the Best Album of 2014 and not only? (Hell yeah!!!)
• Will it be praised by every single web/printed media globally? (Be sure about it!)
• Have you listened something like this before in your life? (Holy shit!)
• How ahead of its time is this album? (A couple of minutes or so?!)
• Will it sell thousands of CDs? (Eat your heart out biatch!)
• Will you care about it after a few months?! (Cut it out!)
• Did those 70s prog rock bands actually “copy-paste” this style that His Majesty created first about 40 years after the 70s? (R u joking?)
• Did His Majesty invent the wheel and discovered America as well?! (Ooh crap!!)
• Do I really dare to question His Majesty without running the risk to be burned in Hell? (Hell no!!!)
• Is it over yet? (I hope so!)
• Did you get bored along the way? (Do you breathe?)