Alestorm
No Grave but the Sea
Napalm Records
2017
Alestorm must be one of the worst bands that came out in the last few years. Keyboard laden “metal” with very average vocals that hardly register as proper singing. Pseudo folk aspirations, stolen from shanties and jigs, turned into simple songs with no real choruses.
The title song and opener for the band’s fifth album “No Grave but the Sea” is a prime example… “Mexico” sporting a silly, sorry that’s not “hilarious”, that’s silly... is a bit better in terms of catchiness, but it’s so stereotypical that it feels like a bad tex-mex. From that point on things just go the way of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequels, ie down to the Davy Jones locker, to reference the pirate lingo!
“Alestorm” feels like someone is reading randomly words that have to do with piracy… over an annoying orchestration that goes a bit “nu-metal” subconsciously… and this BS is scoring high across the world?! Obviously it shows that if you stick to your guns and cutlass for ten years, maybe you can get some plance – but seriously, the whole thing is fucking depressive…
“Bar und Imbiss” simply confirms the fact that Christopher Bowes is obviously incapable of singing in tune, not that it needed really justification. The solo, in there, makes things even more ridiculous, as it’s hapless, simplistic and sticks out like a sore thumb.
“Fucked with an Anchor” is a “funny” acoustic turned shanty, with lots of swearing. Unfunny as fuck.
“Pegleg Potion” is more piratic, shenanigans, with annoying keys that sound very accordion-like. I’d much rather listen to friggin Weird Al, if I wanted that… meh.
“Man the Pumps” had me lazily questioning to what pumps the poet “refereed”. Because they might have overworked the love ones! Mysteriously, it’s the least annoying piece musically.
“Rage of the Pentahook” has a nice shanty like intro and a decent riff, but the rest of it, is utter shite.
Lastly, “Treasure Island” made me wishing this was the Running Wild tune, cause it was near eight minutes of utter boredom.
Just to show people how not serious the band is a bonus “CD” with the vocals substituted by sampled “barks” labeled “for dogs”, is included in the “deluxe edition”. Well let me say that I would not even use this CD to serve doggy food! Utter BS. Don’t bite!
The title song and opener for the band’s fifth album “No Grave but the Sea” is a prime example… “Mexico” sporting a silly, sorry that’s not “hilarious”, that’s silly... is a bit better in terms of catchiness, but it’s so stereotypical that it feels like a bad tex-mex. From that point on things just go the way of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequels, ie down to the Davy Jones locker, to reference the pirate lingo!
“Alestorm” feels like someone is reading randomly words that have to do with piracy… over an annoying orchestration that goes a bit “nu-metal” subconsciously… and this BS is scoring high across the world?! Obviously it shows that if you stick to your guns and cutlass for ten years, maybe you can get some plance – but seriously, the whole thing is fucking depressive…
“Bar und Imbiss” simply confirms the fact that Christopher Bowes is obviously incapable of singing in tune, not that it needed really justification. The solo, in there, makes things even more ridiculous, as it’s hapless, simplistic and sticks out like a sore thumb.
“Fucked with an Anchor” is a “funny” acoustic turned shanty, with lots of swearing. Unfunny as fuck.
“Pegleg Potion” is more piratic, shenanigans, with annoying keys that sound very accordion-like. I’d much rather listen to friggin Weird Al, if I wanted that… meh.
“Man the Pumps” had me lazily questioning to what pumps the poet “refereed”. Because they might have overworked the love ones! Mysteriously, it’s the least annoying piece musically.
“Rage of the Pentahook” has a nice shanty like intro and a decent riff, but the rest of it, is utter shite.
Lastly, “Treasure Island” made me wishing this was the Running Wild tune, cause it was near eight minutes of utter boredom.
Just to show people how not serious the band is a bonus “CD” with the vocals substituted by sampled “barks” labeled “for dogs”, is included in the “deluxe edition”. Well let me say that I would not even use this CD to serve doggy food! Utter BS. Don’t bite!