Tankard - A Girl Called Cerveza

A Girl Called Cerveza LTD
Nuclear Blast
Tankard, return after the slight misstep that was “Vol(l)ume 14”, which was an album far more tame and less worthy than what the band had lately accustomed us with. “A Girl Called Cerveza” seems to fit the canon of the bands discography, way better. Maybe it’s the fact that the album flows, much better (like beer - haha) or that it leaves a rather pleasant aftertaste (just like beer again! haha) on the pallet.
“Rapid Fire” ain’t a Judas Priest cover - but a Tankard original, about an old school dictator, that loves to oppress his people. The subject matter, is not laughable, but the drunken take of the band on it, that assumes the role of the “drunk” with power, dictator, trying to kill all who question his right to rule, is!
The titular title track - with it’s hilarious “old school” - “almost zero budget” video, is a “classic” already. A humorous tale of a blind drunk date, going wrong, when the girl, spikes the drink and steals all the stuff, from the poor victims house where they end afterwards!
You gotta love the parody of a title such as “Witch-hunt 2.0” as well as its subject, which is the attempted suicide of someone – who’s being trolled on some internet forum! Insane. Can’t even figure, if the band’s serious, or they’re just taking the piss!
“Masters Of Farces” may be a little blunt musically, not really horrible, but a bit less interesting, but it’s edgy political criticism, won me over, easily, as that subject, is rather thorny, here in the South!
“The Metal Lady Boy” (hahahaha) seriously, that’s the title, features some vocals by the metal queen, Doro, some uber-cool riffs and had me in stitches, as it chronicles the love affair between our anonymous, beer drinking hero and a Thai-metal loving - ladyboy! Tankard, boldly dare to go, where nobody, except maybe the Robster, or that kinky late grinder, has gone before.... Oh god!
“Not One Day Dead” is another blitzy track, that doesn’t really amount to very much musically as it’s a bit too pedestrian, but serves as a self-indulgent, pat in the back for not giving up, ever, since 82, no matter, how much shit, came their way!
And when you think that you’ve heard it all, comes the quasi-ballad, gone rotten that goes by the title “Son of a Fridge”(!) that easily wins - the competition for the weirdest title ever! Welcome to the world of kitchen appliances with psychological and social issues!
“Fandom at Random” is pretty cool and funny, because it actually, pokes fan, at fans, for being fanatics, but doesn’t quite offend them, as it finds their “fetish” far milder and less dangerous than the implications of the actions of religious people for instance!
“Metal Magnolia”… WTF! For a moment I thought, I was listening to Metalucifer, since only they have the tendency to put metal, in front of apparently any word on the dictionary, no matter, how unlikely or unfeasible/unreasonable, the combination may sound! “Metal Magnolia” as such a song, serves as some sort of a metaphor, obviously for some lady, but parallels her with the said flower, for which the “hero” feels special affection!
“Running on Fumes” the final song, of the album, is all about, the bands touring and drinking - and explaining how, running out of beer, is their primal fear! Hahaha, it’s as funny as it sounds actually and not half as bad musically either!
Tankard - peaked for the second time I guess, (or was it the third?) a bunch of albums back during the very late 90s and the first half of the 00s! Since then they’re not bad, but they seem to have watered down their style a bit - or to be running on fumes...
“Cerveza” kinda, ups the ante a bit, showing a band, “thirsty” for more, but whether, they’ll manage to convince, the head banging, beer drinking, public, that they’re back for good, remains to be proven!
The limited edition, features a DVD, with the video clip for the title track, which is hilarious, a 9 track bo(o)atleg, from the 70.000 tons, cruise, that both justifies it’s double entendre of a title, being both shot on a boat and being as shitty as any bootleg (even an official one’d be) with it’s one camera from the side work and it’s dubious sound quality. The band tries, validly and with a vintage classic little set, but ultimately fails, to win over a crowd that’s not really there for them and doesn’t really, seem knowledgeable of the bands catalog either! Ah, you can’t win them all, I guess!
There’s also an interview, from the said, cruise, with them Tankard-boys, catching some sun, at some beach on the Cayman islands, but the said interview being done in German and me not being drunk enough, to understand German, (and my 1 year of trying to learn - not really kicking in) didn’t help me to understand anything else, other than “Die With a Beer in Your Hard” which is a very fitting motto, I’d imagine! At least, that’s how I’d like to go!
Fellow Tankard fans, my suggestion, would be this: Stay drunk! That way, even if you don’t like the album, you won’t remember me, recommending it! Which I won’t remember doing, so we’re all gonna be good! Right…?